I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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