And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
