Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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