I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
