I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
