You're completely useless in the revolution.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize