She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
