$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I am midnight drunk by noon
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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