spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
