I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
