hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
