mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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