Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
