I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Too much gin, very little bucket
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
