i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
