Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Less talking, more tequila
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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