dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
this hospital has no fireball
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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