She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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