You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
well you can't waste a boner
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
