I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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