i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
