Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
