He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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