Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
