I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize