The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The power of my boobs compel you
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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