Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize