i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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