He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
