I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
