I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
