I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
