yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
