if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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