I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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