Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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