i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
