He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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