Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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