I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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