if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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