The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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