??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
