I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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