turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
