cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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