We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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