I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
