i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
