He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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