Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
