I just threw up on my dentist
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
