....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
