It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
