just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
