dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
