Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize