i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
