I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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