at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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