Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I fill condoms, not promises.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
