C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I didn't notice because vodka
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
