Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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