I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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