idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
