I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
