He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
