I CAN MOONWALK!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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