if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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