who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize