TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
